I wake up in the morning, and one of my first thoughts is climbing Mount Monadnock. When I work out at the gym, I visualize myself reaching the summit. I look at the calendar and count the days. I wonder what it will feel like the day before, the night before, the morning of…

It is in many ways an obsession. Sometimes panic creeps in: what if my legs turn to mush halfway up? Wouldn’t it be the ultimate embarassment if I failed with so many people watching? These are the thoughts that float through my mind, and although I know the value of positive visualization and self-talk, sometimes anxiety gets the better of me. That is where humor comes in, so, today’s blog features conversations that I imagine having with my sons during the climb:

30 minutes in to the climb: “I shouldn’t have had that second cup of coffee before we started. You boys cover for me while I duck behind this pine tree”.

45 minutes into the climb: “How about if we quit now, you tell your mother that we made it to the top, but instead I’ll take you all for ice cream?”

60 minutes into the climb: “How about if we quit now, you tell mom we made it, and I will take you all to a Red Sox game?”

90 minutes in: “Not even for a Red Sox-Yankees game?”

2 hours in: “How about Disney? We’ll drive straight to Logan airport right now, for cryin’ out loud, and we’ll be on Space Mountain in 5 hours?”

2 hours, 15 minutes:  “I can’t believe you would put your old man through this, you rotten ungrateful children!”

2 hours, 30 minutes: “@#(*!&#%/^~!!!!”

3 hours: Refusing to talk to sons

At the summit: “Okay, I made it! Which one of you will carry me back down?”

Halfway down: “They should put in a @*%#  elevator!”

Back at base lodge: “I never doubted my ability to reach the top!.”