Dontletmefail’s Weblog

The beginning of May…spring is springing, and with it, the fifth month of my journey begins. I start this month only one pound less than I started last month. Yesterday a neighbor urged me not to get discouraged, that this is a marathon, and I know all this, but it is much easier to generate motivation when the results are positive.

I want to take this month one day at a time, one meal at a time, and make the best decision possible each time. I am back to daily exercise. I lost about a week there following surgery, and I think not exercising had an effect on my mood. It was easy to drop back to slug-like behavior, and I had a couple of days of poor eating as well.

My goal this month, and every month, is to lose five pounds. I need you all to hold me accountable. Please. I don’t want to have a stroke when I am fifty-five. I don’t want to have diabetes. I am not keen on having a heart attack, either.

Everyday, I picture myself climbing the mountain. It’s a good feeling I get, of control, and health, and accomplishment. There I am, making my way over rocks, wearing a daypack with a water bottle and shorts that don’t have an elastic waist like the ones I have had to wear the last several years. I also see myself carrying one of those walking sticks, not so much for balance, but because I would like to be able to poke any dead things that I find on the trail. Especially squirrels.

I just had an idea: I will find a picture of Mount Monadnock and put copies on the fridge, in the snack cupboard, on the wine rack, and in my office. Maybe not the wine rack.

If you or someone you love is battling a weight problem, let me tell you straight out that the odds are clearly stacked against success. Society makes it very difficult: fast food that is abundant and cheap, conflicting advice about what weight-loss program works best, a culture that honors affluence, achievements and especially appearance over character, a social architecture that promotes over-eating (How many “All you can eat” promotions have you seen on menus? Don’t these people realize that you’re not supposed to eat all you can eat? )Restaurants serve gargantuan portions, television ads tempt us with meal ads at nine p.m.

My wife came home from shopping at Sam’s Club today. Judging by the size of the jars of peanut butter, and the boxes of poptarts and oreos, we should be able to survive for weeks if there is a nuclear accident anywhere along the eastern seaboard.

So what can we do? It costs much, much more to shop at a natural foods store. There is no question it is a harder road. It is easier to be like the majority of Americans and pass the cheez doodles.

Exercise is no picnic, either. I joined a spinning class, with a terrific instructor, who knows where I am in my weight loss efforts. I am very lucky, because I have seen spinning classes where participants seem to be part of spandex nation. And they spin to, yuck…DISCO MUSIC! I wear my baggy sweat pants and a triple X tee. I watch my stomach bounce in the panorama of mirrors that surround me.

I am learning that support and relationships are so much more important than anything else. If you or someone you love is struggling with a weight problem, be there for them. Go for a walk, or be willing to talk. Don’t offer them a mammoth sized serving of dessert. Don’t treat them like a disobedient dog if they slip up (What are YOU doing? What do you have? What is behind your back? Open your mouth and let me see?). Help them make their next decision successfully.

I have had a rough week. I have not been as self-aware of eating and I have not exercised daily. I hurt my back and had hand surgery for a finger problem. (Other drivers thought I was being overly demonstrative on the road, but it was just a condition. Honest!)

In the recovery room, the surgeon told me I “did really well in there”. I had a local anesthetic, and I honestly don’t recall doing much of anything. The toughest part for me was not being able to eat from midnight on, and then sitting in the waiting room, where the television was on THE FOOD CHANNEL! I considered starting a riot among the pre-op patients, but the new me is a kinder, gentler soul.

I know I am rambling this evening, but isn’t that often how we go through life?  

This has been a turn-around weekend for me. I went for a long walk yesterday, and today rode the bike. My hand injury still restricts me a bit. (I asked the surgeon for a note to say I couldn’t do dishes.) I also called a family meeting today and asked my family to help hold me accountable on my Dagwood moments.

I hope you all have a good week. Right now, I have a date with a rice cake.

After my last post I realized that the title “Journey of a lifetime” was also the name of my favorite book about changing the culture of nursing homes. Author Nancy Fox has been on my mind lately because she has recently announced she is changing jobs. Nancy is stepping down from her role as Executive Director of the Eden Alternative, and moving on to something new where she can utilize her unique and amazing skill set to shape the culture of an entire company of nursing homes.

I have had the honor of being in several of Nancy’s training programs, and her influence has been profound.

In difficult situations, I often find myself asking: “How would Nancy handle this?”, and then I try to use my meager skills to emulate her response.

Nancy Fox. One of the world’s truly gifted, wonderful people.

It is mid-April, and time to step back and reassess how this journey is going.

I started off looking to lose 5 lbs per month, and I am slightly ahead of schedule. I have made exercise a regular part of my life, and can count on both hands the number of days so far this year that I have not engaged in some intentional physical activity. I have made dramatic changes to my diet, giving up chemicals like diet soda and protein bars in favor of natural, healthful foods.

The biggest obstacles to my continued success are: my portions continue to be more than necessary, and, like Dagwood in the comic strip, I like late night snacks.

Another challenge is that in past weight loss efforts, there is immediate gratification each time on the scale. Either the diet is working or not. This time I am not on a diet. I have changed the way I eat, and I continue to learn, and try new things, based on the encouragement of friends and family.

Progress is slower, but, this time, permanent. Weight loss is not a direct line down on a graph. I lose 2, gain one, lose 1, gain 1, lose none, gain none. Overall, the weight is declining, but not quickly, which makes it challenging to stay motivated.

This week, I started to work with a trainer. By having more focused workouts, it should help take this to the next level. There is no question that I feel healthier, happier, and in control.

I finally got around to bringing two suits to the tailor. He had to take in the pants by NEARLY THREE INCHES. That made me feel good.

I guess I am learning that this is a journey, sometimes slow and uninspiring, but with some interim achievements along the way. A diet is like taking a jet plane on a cross country tour. You can arrive at the destination faster, but you will learn less, and experience less. A lifestyle change is like a lifelong hobby, like golf or guitar. Learning it, mastering it, are cumulative processes with no shortcuts.

I know my end goal is to climb a mountain, but really, the climb has already begun.

A man walks into his doctor’s office with a banana in his ear and a carrot up his nose. He says “Doc, what’s wrong with me?”

His doctor looks him over and says”You’re not eating right.”

Food is funny. My friend Brett and I were having a typically intellectual, erudite conversation, when he aptly pointed out that when you read a menu, some foods sound less like main dishes and more like pro wrestling moves. Take the “Australian Pork Chop”. Can you see it? Two wrestlers, trying to surpress their ‘roid rage long enough to fake their way through a match, when one throws the other off the ropes and instead of applying the sleeper hold, he hits him with the Australian Pork Chop!

More food is funny: croutons have an expiration date. Aren’t they, after all, just bread that’s gone hard? I think croutons are just one more way the French laugh at us. “Those stupid Americans! They buy bags of hard bread and put them on salads!” Crouton is a French word. It comes from the word “Crou” meaning “bread” and “Ton” meaning “that is three weeks old”.

How about it, alert readers? Do you find food funny?

I thought it was obvious, especially with the title of “All Four One” and the post date of April 1, but some people fell for it. I’d like to thank the one or two people who actually care about me, and encouraged me to keep going. I am going to keep going. This is now the way I live.

I did gain back 4 lbs over the Easter holiday, but I have taken that off and I am 21 lbs lighter today than I was on New Year’s Day.

Okay, readers, I need your help. It is a new month and I want to lose another five pounds. I spent the weekend going through my closet, and I am actually having two suits TAKEN IN and I am probably going to part with some nice corduroys I got for Christmas.

A co-worker of mine actually told me that I am inspiring her to lose weight. On that particular day I felt like crap and wanted to soak my head in a vat of chocolate sauce. Instead, I went to the Y to exercise. So you see, this strategy is working: I can’t fail because I will be letting people down.

In about one year I will climb Mount Monadnock, my Mount Everest. No fooling.

I know, I know. I haven’t been blogging lately. I’ve been embarassed to. I have hit a wall.

I don’t know if it was because I hit the twenty pound loss number and felt like “Mission Accomplished!” or what, but since Easter, I have put on four pounds.

Old eating habits have reared their butt-ugly heads. I am eating too quickly, too much, too late.

On the exercise front, I am doing the minimum: an uninspired walk, bike ride, etc.

To anyone out there in blog land that has followed my journey, I offer an apology, you see, I have decided to give up my quest.

I have thrown in the towel on my weight loss efforts. I will begin to focus on learning to love myself as a large person. I hope you will still stick by me.

There are, of course, certain advantages to being fat. Fat people, for example, are a lot harder to kidnap than thin people. That is important in this terrorist-infested world.

In any case, thank you for your interest, but this has proved to be too much for me to chew (a really bad pun).

As of yesterday, I have lost 20 lbs so far this year. 50 more to go. I think the next ten are going to be the most significant, because I have lost 20 lbs so many times before, and at my weight, 20 lbs doesn’t really seem like much. I don’t look different yet, although some people say they notice.

I do feel that this time, the loss of this weight is PERMANENT. I am not on a diet. I am not denying myself my favorite foods. I have changed the way I eat and live.

I am learning the importance of eating mindfully. Recently, I heard someone say that people who are overweight typically think about food all the time, except for when they should be, which is when they are eating. When they eat, usually they are so hungry they are just shoveling it in. I can relate. Sometimes it feels like I am off to the races. The act of eating goes by so quickly, my stomach has not had time to tell my brain that it is full.

One of my problems (and oh, there are so very many!), is that I multitask. I eat breakfast while reading the paper. I eat lunch in front of my computer. I snack in front of the television.

How do the rest of you do it? Do you multitask as well?

I don’t want to set an unrealistic goal, but it would seem that a logical step would be to eat when I am hungry, and not read, work, or veg out on tube when I am doing it.

Thoughts? 

I went to the doctor today. My blood work was so good I thought he was reading someone else’s lab results. He told me that I had lost eleven pounds since my last visit, but I don’t put much stock in what I weigh at the doctor’s office, because I am never wearing the same thing. If I have loafers on, I take them off. Wingtips, I won’t bother. Sometimes I have a blackberry or cell phone in my pocket. I also have my wallet, but that never weighs much. Everyone knows, weighing yourself only counts if you’re completely naked, first thing in the morning. No socks, no blackberries, no excuses. Especially no dinkleberries.

So far this year, I have lost 17 pounds.

I am battling a bad cold, and I did not exercise for two straight days, for the first time this year. Today I got right back into it, although nothing strenuous.

I miss my dog.

David, thank you for sending Jimmy Stewart’s poem.

Mark Twain once said that when you meet St. Peter, it’s best to leave your dog outside, because heaven follows protocol. If heaven were run on merit, he said, your dog would go in, and you would stay outside. 

Rest in peace, Jazz.

…but we’ve always called her Jazz. She is our family pet, a 15 year old miniature schnauzer, and she is the best dog in the world. Close to a year ago, she developed a limp, which turned out to be a cancerous tumor. One surgery and several prescriptions later, the cancer is back. Yesterday, our vet advised us that we’ve done all we can, and this is the end.

We all knew it was coming, but still we go through the stages. I was trying to remember if I accidentally stepped on her foot, which might have caused her inability to walk. But her labored breathing tells me this is not a temporary setback. You can hear wheezing. Last night we carried her outside to pee, and then up to her bed.

I am thinking about how, at bedtime, Jazz would always make the rounds of the boys’ bedrooms. Although she was probably just scavenging for food wrappers under the beds, I imagined she was making rounds, like a night watchman, to make sure her family was safe and sound.

Every morning, she would wait by the slider to go out, and then trot around the perimeter of the yard making sure everything was just as she left it the night before.

In her prime she would challenge any size dog, she had no fear. But she never, ever bit anyone. She allowed herself to be abused by babies who pulled her ears, and made her dance on two legs. She wore hideously embarassing costumes on Halloween night.

And she gave chase to every squirrel who dared enter her yard.

She also had a guilty look, when she knew she had done something wrong. One time, I thought she was smiling at me. I simply said “Jazz, what are you doing?”, and she opened wide and a graham cracker fell out of her mouth.

Now, we are talking about what would be on her “bucket list”. Bacon, no doubt, so that’s what she’ll eat. And just one time, she would have liked to catch that squirrel that hangs upside down on the birdfeeder.

I imagine that when she passes, squirrels will line up out of respect, and drop acorns as an offering.

I know I am getting corny, but is there anything in life that is more worthy of corniness than a beloved pet dog? 

Here I am in Sin City taking part in a Civic Leaders program with the RI Air Force National Guard. Yesterday I had lunch with the Thunderbird Pilots before they flew a training mission. Today I learned about the Predator, an unmanned plane that currently is flying over Iraq, while being controlled by an individual in the U.S.

Just in case anyone from Al Qaeda is reading this, the address of the person controlling the Predator is 500 No Capitol St, Washington D.C.

(Don’t worry, my fellow Americans, I would never put our brave military in harm’s way. The address I gave is for the IRS!)

Sticking with a smart eating and exercise plan is tough out here, with restaurant-size meal portions. I have made really good choices, however, like egg-white omelettes with vegetables for breakfast, and lean meats and veggies for dinner.

There are a lot of unusual menu choices available, such as “hand-rubbed beef”. My first thought is  ”whose hands, and are they clean?” I don’t need to know that someone is, at this very moment, rubbing beef in a back room of a kitchen. Are the people who rub beef for a living the same ones that massage cows ?(see my earlier post on this troubling practice)

There are a lot of “masseuses” here in Vegas. Maybe when it’s slow they practice on beef .

I wonder if there is such a thing as a “Moose Masseuse”?

Also on the menus here in Vegas are the items Pulled Pork and Jerk Chicken. Can anyone out there in blog land tell me: does the pork taste better if it’s pulled? Again, are the puller’s hands clean? I imagine this dish was invented one day when the chef couldn’t find a knife, and just began pulling the meat.

How Jerk Chicken came to get its name is a mystery to me. Does “jerk” describe the personality of this type of chicken? (”These chickens are a bunch of jerks!”) or perhaps jerk describes the method of killing the chicken: “I gave his head a little jerk, and he jerked a little.”

The waitress told me the name comes from a sauce that the chicken is cooked in. Was the sauce invented by a jerk?

Finally, there is a chain here called “In ‘n Out Burger”.

I am thinking it is fast food for bulemics, but I don’t know for sure.

Time for a walk. Yesterday I walked over 12,000 steps. Hopefully that helped balance off the calories in the Tequila.

I want to remind all of you who saw me on NBC 10: the camera adds ten pounds. I have been on camera well over twenty times.

As I watched I kept thinking, “Wow! When did I get so big?”

The voices in my head (yes, I hear voices. What’s your excuse?) took turns saying: “Give up! You’ll never lose the weight! Have a Twinkie!” But I also heard “You’re done being overweight. You are making positive changes everyday, your clothes fit better, you feel better, keep at it!”

A friend once told me not to worry about those voices in your head, It’s when you start having voices come from other parts of your anatomy, knees in particular, that you should be concerned.

Most of my friends are a bit strange. That’s why we’re friends.

Welcome to my blog! Many of you may be visiting for the first time, after seeing my story on Health Check, hosted by Barbara Morse Silva, on NBC 10.

Barbara heard about my quest from my friend Brett “Blabbermouth” Davey, and she decided it was newsworthy. It certainly will keep the pressure on me to keep losing weight, and if it results in increased donations for the Eden Fund at Elmhurst Extended Care, I will be extremely grateful to everyone for their support. Including Brett.

I invite you to read my earlier posts, to learn more about my quest and my plans to climb Mount Monadnock when I turn fifty.

If you would like to sponsor my efforts, feel free to email me at dontletmefail@cox.net, or simply reply to this blog. Some people are pledging an amount for a successful climb, like $25 or $50, while others are pledging 1 or 2 dollars per pound that I lose. My goal is to lose 70 lbs., and I have lost 13 so far. 100% of your tax deductible pledges will benefit the elders of Elmhurst Extended Care.

Since I am planning the climb when I turn fifty, and I am barely forty-nine, you do not need to pledge now. You can keep track of my progress, and encourage me along the way.

Thank you for your support, and please, don’t let me fail!

They say the hardest part of the journey is the first step. I disagree. Over the last ten years, I have taken the first step to reclaim my health at least a thousand times. For me, the hardest steps come at different times during the journey, times when I feel frustrated or powerless.

Last weekend, while walking from my car to the supermarket, I may have taken the hardest steps so far. You see, the Girl Scouts had set up a table to sell their cookies just inside the automatic door. I swear they piped in the smell of Tag A Longs, Gauchos, and the deadly, inappropriately named Thin Mints.

“Mister”, came that sweet little voice, “Would you like to buy some cookies?” I told myself not to make eye contact and not to inhale that cookie smell. “No thanks,” I said as I picked up my pace. Once I got to the fresh produce section I thought I heard her say “Creep!”, but I’m not sure.

You know, they look innocent enough, both the Girl Scouts and the cookies, and you have that whole justification of “it’s for a good cause” to fall back on, but I bet more diets have been derailed by Girl Scout Cookies than any other single factor. Our entire nation sets a goal of losing weight on New Year’s, and these pushers of high fructose corn syrup and enriched white flour wage their annual attack right around February 1. They seize on our collective weakness.

I am pleased to report that so far I have lost thirteen pounds. I have exercised for over forty straight days. I have taken the advice of blog commenter Ann Adler, who suggested I join Shape Up RI, and I am team captain of a group from my workplace. I have also taken the advice of blog commenter Karol, who recommended a book called “Eat This, Not That”. I bring it to the market with me to help me make healthy choices. I just started a book called “Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Bigger” about the parallels between a messy closet and a poor diet. Earlier, I recommended a book called “In Defense of Eating”, which blog commenter Beth Rom is now reading. Someone told me that if I keep recommending books that people read, I’ll be “bigger than Oprah”, but all I need to do is look in the mirror to know that I already am. 

I have hit a couple of tough days in a row, where the food I am eating is not satisfying me. In the past, I would keep eating until I find the food that “does it” for me. I am trying to break this bad habit, which seems to hit me when I am weakest: mid-afternoon and around 8:30 p.m.

Not easy for someone with many years of bad habits.

I have exercised for 36 days in a row. My body is very sore. I have done “cardio” every day (It’s in quotes because my version of cardio hardly qualifies sometimes. It is more like steady movement. )

I have only done weight training twice. I know I need to step up.

I am hovering right around the ten pound weight loss reported earlier. (Today 9.5)

Month 2 has begun, in my 14 month journey. I am ahead of schedule, but some days it feels like hand to hand combat.

I was going along okay, I lost 7 lbs, then 9, then, all of a sudden I was back to 5 lbs. In the past, this would have discouraged me. I would have said “Why keep trying? I’ll never lose this weight!”

This time, I know it is a marathon, not a sprint. It is a lifestyle change not a diet. If I eat right and exercise, weight loss MUST occur. I will not deprive myself, but I will not fall back into eating junk.

This a.m. the scale revealed a loss of ten pounds in 24 days.

I won’t be discouraged if it only says 7 tomorrow, but for today, I celebrated. I celebrated by exercising twice: before work and after.

My kids made a sign for me that hung inside the door, congratulating me on losing my first ten. My wife took a candle and drew lines on it with 10, 20, 30, through 70 labelled. During dinner, we burned it down to the 10 line. She also filled a bowl with ten pounds of fruit, in the center of the table, so we all could have a visual of ten pounds. She also took a ten pound sack of sugar, and we passed it around. The boys can’t believe how heavy it feels, and that I am no longer carrying that weight around. They told me they were proud of me.

Most of you know that my mother passed away just over a year ago. She is one of my inspirations for taking on this challenge. When she turned 50 she learned to drive a car. When she turned 60 she learned to play piano. She taught me that you just keep growing in life, and keep challenging yourself. I dedicate the loss of these first ten pounds to her.

Now its on to the next ten.

The reason diets don’t work for me is that I love food. A diet denies me access to something I love. You know all that about how absence makes the heart grow fonder? When the diet ends, and I can be with food again, we sort of catch up on old times.

I was in a restaurant recently where Kobe beef was on the menu. Have you seen this? This is steak that costs about a hundred dollars a pop! The waiter told me that Kobe beef is from cattle that are fed corn and beer, and then they are massaged every day. (The cows, not the waiter)

Now this is disturbing on a couple of levels. First and foremost is the massage stuff. This means there are people who massage cows for a living. I am picturing the job interview now: “I’ve been massaging rodents for 2 years, and I feel it’s time to move up and take on more.”

And how about a diet of corn and beer? All the cows I’ve seen eat grass. They seem fine with that.

What’s bothering me most is, what kind of beer? Do cows have a preference? Moo-ler lite? (couldn’t resist)

A friend of mine suggested I try “Tae Kwon Do” as a way to lose weight. I told him I prefer to ease into exercise more slowly. For example, right now I am attempting to “Tie my shoes”.

I am off to a good start. I have exercised daily, and have been eating healthy. I am down seven pounds so far this year. If I keep up this pace, I will disappear from the face of the earth in less than four years.

I read a good book last week: “In Defense of Food” by Michael Pollen. He suggests that we “eat food. not too much, mostly plants”. He provides stunning evidence as to how misled we all are by the science of nutrition, and suggests that if nature doesn’t make it, don’t eat it.